A piece of my 화양연화


It was indeed one of the most beautiful moment of my life.

There are so many things on my mind and I always want to talk about them, but when I try to write or talk, it’s like my brain goes foggy and I just end up feeling more isolated because I can’t figure out how to put what I’m feeling into words.

I spend a lot of time sitting by myself somewhere quiet and peaceful and letting go of everything. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way.

I tried to fill up this void in my head with so many things, yet nothing seems to work.
 Empty, I feel empty; it is all I still feel.
Do you ever just feel hopeless? Like you just don’t have any other words, you just feel kinda empty? Maybe there are things you want to do, specific things you want to do or see, but you know they’re not gonna happen.
And you feel hopeless and it just sucks. It really, really sucks.
I feel paralyzed. I feel numb on the outside and numb on the inside. I feel as if my mind has stopped functioning, yet I am still able to think and perceive the way I do. Thoughts are still seeping out from the darkest corners of my mind, but my heart seems to have bottled so much.

I want to explode.

Chicosci @ Cubicon

Miggy, you are such a perfect subhuman.

Time to decorate my bones

I used to sit in the mirror for hours playing with make up trying to convince myself that I am beautiful. I used to hate myself because I don't have any true friends yet I’ve always been loyal.

My loyalty, my beauty, me, I was never enough to them, but I am, everyone else is blind to something, someone so genuine because they are still pretending. Hiding behind mirrors taking bathroom pics perhaps they’ve lost the person in the mirror.

I think learning to love myself will be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do in my entire  life. It’s not going to happen over night, but it will happen. Day by day. I will take small baby steps. Steps to being the me I have always wanted to be.

I get so caught up in other people sometimes and I forget about myself. I used to be so damn concerned about what everybody thought or said about me. Well, I don't anymore. These past few months I’ve learned to ''fuck it and move on''. It's explicit but it helps me feel a hell of a lot better.

I actually feel beautiful. I don’t mind being flawed in any way.

A merry merry christmas.